4. Karl Rove
Hide and leak
310 Points

Fact: Karl’s middle name is Christian!

Fact: Karl emphatically denies having committed any illegal acts!

Fact: At age 9, Karl supported Richard Nixon!

Fact: Growing up in Salt Lake City, Karl used "unorthodox tactics" to be elected high school student council president!

Fact: Working for a GOP candidate in 1970, Karl sneaked into Democratic headquarters, stole letterhead sheets, printed offensive fliers under the rival candidate’s name and distributed them!

Fact: Once, in a training seminar for GOP strategists, Karl told the group how to root through Democrats’ garbage for dirty laundry. Unfortunately, some sneaky bastard taped the speech!

Fact: Karl has been married twice!

Fact: Karl was fired from the 1980 Bush vice presidential campaign after planting a negative story with syndicated columnist Robert Novak!

Fact: Karl was fired from the 1992 Bush re-election campaign after planting a negative story with syndicated columnist Robert Novak!

Fact: In the 2000 South Carolina primary, Karl’s push poll asked residents, "Would you be more likely or less likely to vote for John McCain for president if you knew he had fathered an illegitimate black child?"

Fact: U.S. President and AHOY finalist George W. Bush calls Karl "the architect" of his 2004 re-election!

Fact: Karl topped Barbara Walters’ list of Most Fascinating People of 2004!

Fact: Fourth-place Karl this year earned more AHOY points (310) than last year's winner, Donald Rumsfeld(258)!

Fact: Karl suffered a painful kidney stone last September, causing him to miss some White House PR strategy sessions on Hurricane Katrina!

But no pain was severe enough make Karl miss the AHOY Top 5!


Anonymous John Berdsford Tipton said...

So you hate his politics, eh, AHOY?

Fine. We know where you stand.

And we hate your leftist, communist, surrenderist, godless foolishness. You have made a serious mistake, AHOY. Karl Rove is a warrior for the cause of good. You can ridicule him, you can criticize him, but you cannot defeat him. Karl will read this. Oh, yes, I assure you of that.

And when he does, this is what I say: Go, Karl, go!

1/27/2006 8:02 PM  
Anonymous john said...

I don't hear you talking back, AHOY. What's the matter? Cat got your tongue?

You know what I think? You can dish it out. But you can't take it.

None of you are man enough to face me.

1/28/2006 10:28 PM  

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