11. Osama bin Laden The real war on Christmas 138 Points

Fact: Osama was the middle kid in a litter of 55!

Fact: Osama’s pop was married 10 times, but never to more than four wives at once--because that’s the law!

Fact: Osama’s first wife was his first cousin!

Fact: Beanpole Osama is 6 feet 4, but weighs just 160!

Fact: Osama’s terror pals have dubbed him "the Director!"

Fact: Osama will blow out 49 candles on his birthday cake in March!

And let AHOY wish you an early happy birthday, Mr. Director! We have your gift picked out: Your personal Predator Drone Hellfire Missile!