HAIL TO THE AHOY



5. Tom Cruise
The Phantom Of The Oprah
254 Points

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Fact: Tom was born in Syracuse, NY!

Fact: Before becoming an actor, Tom wanted to be a priest!

Fact: Three times -- in 1990, 1991 and 1997 -- Tom was rated one of The 50 Most Beautiful People by People Magazine!

Fact: Tom left Nicole Kidman when she was three months pregnant!

Fact: Tom proposed to Katie Holmes atop the Eiffel Tower!

Fact:
Tom has inspired the phrase "jumping the couch," defined by Urban Dictionary as "A defining moment when you know someone has gone off the deep end. Inspired by Tom Cruise's recent behavior on Oprah."

Fact: Tom has threatened to sue people who suggest he is gay! AHOY is suggesting no such thing!

Fact: Tom is said to have attained one of the Scientology’s top levels: Operating Thetan Seven!

Fact: Tom has attained a top height of 5 feet 9 inches, not 5 feet 7 inches, as has been incorrectly reported!

Not to worry, Tom! In the eyes of AHOY, you're 10 feet tall!

3 Comments:

Blogger Loganite said...

Tom. From Syracuse, N.Y.

Hmmmmmm...

Thank goodness all of the Toms from Syracuse aren't couch-jumpers.

-- L.

1/27/2006 3:52 AM  
Anonymous John Berdsford Tipton said...

I don't practice or worship scientology, though I appreciate science. It has given us many miracles, even though it will also likely destroy the human race.

But I believe no man should be persecuted for his or her beliefs. It doesn't matter if they are Christian, Muslim or Jew. We are all the same to Jesus.

But let's not forgot what's real: there is only one true savior and only one Tom Cruise.

God certainly knows the difference? Do you, AHOY?

1/28/2006 4:40 PM  
Blogger Eddie said...

Tom also has a piece of real estate on the moon.

whatever the hell for..

1/30/2006 2:45 AM  

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