9. Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi
"Kids. They blow up so fast."
145 Points

Fact: To help bring about a better world, Abu often murders scores of innocent bystanders!

Fact: The U.S. has a $25 million bounty on Abu, and they've printed his wanted poster on matchbooks! (Pictured)

Fact: A high school drop-out, Abu is not working on his G.E.D!

Fact: In Afghanistan, Abu worked as a reporter!

Fact: Abu specializes in poisons and explosives!

Fact: Before the Iraq War, Abu was a rival of Osama bin Laden, who now calls him "the prince of al Qaeda in Iraq!"

Fact: To show he means business, Abu sometimes beheads hostages!

Fact: Prior to the war, the Bush administration vetoed three Pentagon requests to attack Abu’s Iraqi camps, fearing it would undermine the push for a full-scale invasion!

Fact: In 2003, President Bush thought Abu had only one leg!

Fact: Abu has been reported dead at least five times!

Fact: Abu is believed single and not dating!

Fact: Abu is always looking for qualified replacement suicide bombers!

And AHOY is always looking for qualified assholes like Abu!


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