6. Tom DeLay
246 Points

Fact: Tom is called "The Hammer!"

Fact: The Hammer has been charged with money laundering!

Fact: The Hammer looked happy in his police mug shot! (Pictured)

Fact: The Hammer was kicked out of Baylor University for excessive drinking!

Fact: In 1988, The Hammer said he tried to join the Army Reserve during the Vietnam war, but all the open slots were taken by minorities!

Fact: The Hammer to three children at a Hurricane Katrina emergency shelter: “Now tell me the truth, boys, is this kind of fun?”

Fact: Before entering politics, The Hammer ran a pest extermination company!

Fact: During his time on the Texas legislature, The Hammer was an alcoholic!

Fact: The Hammer is a born-again Christian!

Fact: The Hammer is the first House leader in 100 years to be indicted!

Fact: As a GOP House Whip, The Hammer liked to "primary" fellow Republicans who resisted his suggestions!

Fact: Over the last four years, The Hammer’s wife and daughter earned $500,000 in fees from Tom's political-action and campaign committees!

A poem comprised of real quotations from Tom DeLay’s speeches.

Democrats cry fraud and corruption every election.

Democrats would rather gripe than govern.

Democrats have no one to blame but themselves.

Democrats hate the president.

Democrats won't admit that there is a problem.

Democrats have hurled relentless personal attacks at me.

Democrats have decided to put their heads in the sand.

Democrats have so far cost Mrs. Schiavo two meals.

We have witnessed the Democrats at their ugliest.
And in The Hammer, we are witnessing AHOY at its greatest!


Blogger Mike said...

This poem is BRILLIANT!

I hope we'll be reading it at SLATE soon...

1/24/2006 1:37 PM  

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