HAIL TO THE AHOY



Who will wear the crown?
One of YOUR FIVE FINALISTS!
In alphabetical order:

Michael D. Browntop_5_brown_2
A virtual unknown until Hurricane Katrina, Michael, 51, surfed waves of destruction, incompetence and public indignation to the front pages--and maybe the history books! This is his first visit to AHOY, and we wish him ‘smooth sailing!’ Way to go, Brownie!

President George W. BushP090205ED-0540.jpg
When this two-time AHOY winner is not winning a war, searching for new oil, changing the Supreme Court or working out, he’s secretly listening to the hopes and dreams of his fellow Americans! Which reminds us: no matter how you feel about him, this is the greatest country in the world!

Vice President Dick Cheneytop_5_cheney
If George Bush has the smile, this perennial AHOY high-hitter has the sneer! Dick Cheney is the gold-standard! A five-deferment, double-DWI, corporate welfare millionaire with the best health insurance on earth, The Veeper spouts obscenities, condemns critics and runs America!

Tom Cruisetop_5_cruise
From his Days of Thunder on Oprah’s couch to the Risky Business of lecturing Matt Lauer, Tom in 2005 brought his personal Mission Impossible to AHOY! Having made All the Right Moves, the Vanilla Sky is the limit for this Hollywood superstar!

Karl Rovetop_5_rove
If Bush and Cheney cancel each other out like Newman and Redford did for Butch Cassidy, look for this crafty native Utahn to swoop in and grab the top prize!

One of these white American men will be your next AHOY! Tomorrow: learn the name of the fourth runner up, as we launch...

lightning_2
THE FINAL COUNTDOWN!

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